Sunday, July 18, 2010

My Undying Hatred For American Apparel...

You know, I'm not one for censorship (well not really, I feel we censor the wrong things such as curse words and the amount of nudity in movies/tv that is meant for adults... where as we should be censoring things like Paris Hilton, Jersey Shore and the Bachelorette). But this store is out of control.

Initially I hated American Apparel for the normal reasons... nothing there fits me, the staff are stuck up hipster cunts (that includes the tall skinny gay black men that also work there) and their clothing is so overpriced. I have this friend (we'll just call him Chris S) who shops at AA (which isn't the AA he needs FYI) and it is like a jihad on my soul. I have to walk around, pretending to "browse" at $40 plain black hoodies which size run between small and XX small. While Chris picks out his $30 t-shirts that looks like Gerry Garcia's diarrhea from some bygone acid trip. Ooh but it's a BOAT CUT neck. If I want the necks of my t-shirts all loose and stretched, I'll do it the old fashioned way: by struggling to rescue a cheeto I dropped between my tits while in bed.

So whenever I would whine about how I hate that store, my friends who shop there go "well, they have hats and stuff too". I do not need a neon pink hipster army hat, nor some socks made out of cheese cloth. And the staff don't even bother to ASK if I need help with anything, such as the quickest means to exit the fucking store. And look, I went in with an open mind... I even browsed the pet items, to see if I could get some fashion forward collars and shit for my Boston Terrier, Coop... even he's too fat to shop there. Sorry he's not all SVELT like those fucking teacup dogs that the hosebags on TV have.

Recently in California, I was driving and spotted a billboard that rekindled my outrage for this chain of shame-shacks (which attempt to pose as "boutiques"). I did a quick search of GOOGLE to see if i could find the ad, unfortunately I could not. But its a girl, spread eagle, lifting her skirt and showing off a pair of underwear (why do they call it a "pair" when you only wear one?). And I just stared, incredulous at this thing. What is that supposed to sell exactly? I mean, was the old standard photos that Victoria's Secret and the JC Penny catalogs use deemed unaffective? That's like Trojan using a picture from Hustler to advertise condoms! You wouldn't show someone's asshole to advertise rolls of Charmin would you?! FUCK NO. It's like using "push it" by Salt N Peppa to sell Huggies.

This is the kind of shit that has fucked up our society. We need to get wet or hard before we buy anything. Do you use your smart phone for conferencing at your high power business job? Nope. You use it to jerk off to web porn while waiting for your order at Panera Bread. FOR SHAME AMERICA, FOR SHAME! American Apparel should be held legally responsible for all rapes and traffic accidents (within eyeshot) of one of their ads. They've already raped my sense of reality and justice... not to mention hope for a better society. I'm not advocating we become a bunch of overly moralized jesus freaks... but you don't need to show me cleavage to sell me a cheeseburger... i already feel anxious and ashamed when I eat Burger King as it is (mostly because we don't have any In N Out Burgers on the East Coast).

To further illustrate my point, below are a few pictures from AA ads... sexy yes, but superfluous all the same. If your clothing was any good (which its not, i'd rather see a girl in a tanktop from Target than any of that cack they peddle) you wouldn't need to hide behind some risque ad campaign.

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